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20 May 2008 @ 05:59 pm
Recently I have decided to interact more with others within the bdsm community. Since making this decision I have come across many others in the lifestyle that I am very disappointed in due to the fact that some of them seem to think that their way is the only way to practice D/s and Bdsm. Their minds are completely closed to the fact that we each must decide the best way to live our own lives and this does not always include living them as they think we should. I do not mind others sharing their beliefs with Me, matter of fact educating Myself further and learning about the methods and beliefs of others is the one of the reasons I began to seek out others in the lifestyle, but that does not mean that I am going to change My beliefs to conform to theirs.

This inability on the part of some to accept the diversity of others was strongly on My mind when I came across the writings of Bob Harris on the website of the legendary Gloria Brame. One article in particular really expressed My feelings on our need to develop acceptance for the beliefs and methods followed by others within the bdsm community whether we agree with them or not. I enjoyed this article so much that I'd like to share it with anyone else that is interested in reading it. All text below was written By Bob Harris and I do not take any credit for his work in anyway.

Whose Way Is Right? And Who Cares Anyway? (Written By Bob Harris)
Ever since the creatures known as mankind first came into existence, there has been only one characteristic that has remained constant. How we look, how we dress, how we structure every social unit from the single family up to the world society, has undergone a continual evolution. Not even the basics of gender have remained constant. No longer is it just an issue of male versus female. Today we face the ever-growing questions presented by the rapid increase in the number of transgender persons.

Each successive generation has brought with it new ideas, new challenges, new definitions. Advances in the technologies of communication and travel have caused an explosion in the mixing of cultures. It is no longer possible to find a single race or tribe of people who have not been influenced in some way by the technology of some other culture.

Everything that has ever defined mankind, from the individual level to the world society as a whole, has continually undergone, and continues to undergo, change. Change is the only constant that has not changed and there is no reason to believe that it will not be the only constant that will not continue to change in the future.

For the most part we look upon change as being good. By continually changing, we feel that both as individuals and as a society, mankind is growing, progressing, coming ever closer to becoming that ever-elusive "perfect" society. Of course the paradox here is that no one can agree on what that perfect society is. So we continue to change, continue to "grow", so very pleased with ourselves that by doing so we have somehow become better than the generation before us.

But while we continue to strive to change and grow, we also struggle with how to hold on to our past, incorporate the changes brought by the previous generations into our current view of what the world should be. Our history is our roots. It is the place from which our journey through life begins. Our home. Home is a very comfortable place to be. We need desperately to feel secure in that no matter what happens, if the change our generation brings fails to bring improvements but instead only brings increased problems, home will still be there for us.

Our Leather Community is no different. Both individually, and as a community, we are in a great struggle to redefine, restructure and redirect just about everything considered to be a tradition of our culture. But just what are those traditions? Because our written history is so incomplete, no one can definitively say.

We have bits and pieces. A few members left that were part of this or that group which, depending on which part of the present community we identify with, are looked at as being the roots of our culture. But even those few who are left do not always remember those early days the same way. What was an absolute in the early groups on the west coast were not necessarily a part of the absolutes of the early groups from the east coast. What are considered as the basics of the gay community are not consistent with those of the heterosexual community.

So we struggle to somehow define what is traditional. And in that struggle, instead of becoming more cohesive as a community, we become more segmented as each group demands that the other groups accept their idea of what traditional is.

What seems odd to me is that for several years now, we have pushed the concept of celebrating our diversity. Accepting all people into our community regardless of gender, race, sexual preference and especially fetish preference. Yet we find so many frictions occurring between various factions of our community because of those diversities. Celebrating our diversity seems to have somehow become warped into being celebrate our diversity as long as you agree that our way is the standard, the only true and correct way, which everyone should strive to follow.

While the recorded history may be sketchy, information about the modern state of the lifestyle is abundant. Thanks to the Internet, anyone with an opinion on who we are, where we come from, what we stand for or the way we define ourselves and our relationships, can establish themselves as an instant authority on the subject. With so much information available, so many conflicting opinions being easily accessible, it is no wonder that we, as individuals, have such a hard time trying to figure out just where we fit into the picture and how to structure our relationships.

For the most part, there appears to be a growing consensus that there is no one right way. We can pick and choose from the magnitude of opinions, those that make the most sense to us personally, and structure our involvement in the lifestyle and the manner in which we define and conduct our personal relationships, in the way most comfortable for us. If how we choose happens to coincide with the choices made by the majority of the community, that's great. If not, that's fine too.

It is unfortunate that we have no way of accurately tracking the beginnings and evolutions or our culture. For many of us, there is only emptiness when we look back to catch a glimpse of home before facing the challenges presented by yet another change on the horizon. Not realizing of course, that home is where they are right now. That where they are now is the basis for any changes they may make during their journey through this lifestyle. Not until they become comfortable with where they are today, the definitions they use to describe themselves, the structures upon which they have built their relationships, will they realize they are home.

On the other hand, there are those of us who can look back and see our starting point fading off in the distance as we are taken, sometimes kicking and screaming, further down the road. Forced to change, whether we want to or not, because the way it was no longer exists or is no longer useable. Yet at the same time, desperately holding on to whatever portion of home we can, whatever portion can be incorporated into the new home we have today.

It does not matter which of these two groups--either those who identify with a particular past or those whose beginnings are not clearly defined--you identify with. It does not matter whether you look forward to change in the hope that the rest of society will move closer to your vision of what a perfect society means; or if you feel that society has already changed too much and dread the thought of more changes to come. It doesn't matter if you have defined protocols passed down from a past generation that you choose to honor by continuing their practice, or if you see no reason for establishing, defining or practicing any protocols at all. When it comes to deciding on your where your place in the community is, it just doesn't matter. What does matter is that you respect and honor the decisions other individuals of the community have made for themselves.

We do not ask that you follow us, but we do ask that you respect our right to do so. In return, do not expect us to follow you, but we do respect your right to go whatever way you choose.

There is room for all of us. There is no reason to force divisions by ultimatums of do it this way or else. Let's try to "celebrate our diversity" in the fullest sense, and not limit ourselves to what any one group thinks is best.

© Bob Harris - http://gloriabrame.com/domidea/sub3.htm#may.htm
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
05 October 2007 @ 08:56 am
The Pleasure of Pain
Written By: Marianne Apostolides

Bind my ankles with your white cotton rope so I cannot walk. Bind my wrists so I cannot push you away. Place me on the bed and wrap your rope tighter around my skin so it grips my flesh. Now I know that struggle is useless, that I must lie here and submit to your mouth and tongue and teeth, your hands and words and whims. I exist only as your object. Exposed.

Of every 10 people who reads these words, one or more has experimented with sadomasochism (S&M), which is most popular among educated, middle- and upper-middle-class men and women, according to psychologists and ethnographers who have studied the phenomenon. Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D., of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, has researched S&M to learn the motivation behind it, to understand why in the world people would ask to be bound, whipped, and flogged. The reasons are as surprising as they are varied.

For James, the desire became apparent when he was a child playing war games, he always hoped to be captured. "I was frightened that I was sick," he says. But now, he adds, as a well-seasoned player on the scene, "I thank the leather gods I found this community."

At first the scene found him. When he was at a party in college, a professor chose him. She brought him home and tied him up, told him how bad he was for having these desires, even as she fulfilled them. For the first time he felt what he had only imagined, what he had read about in every S&M book he could find.

James, a father and manager, has a Type A personality; in control, hard working, intelligent, and demanding. His intensity is evident on his face, in his posture, in his voice. But when he plays, his eyes drift and a peaceful energy flows through him as though he had injected heroin. With each addition of pain or restraint, he stiffens slightly, then falls into a deeper calm, a deeper peace, waiting to obey his Mistress. "Some people have to be tied up to be free," he says.

The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel. We hear about men pretending to be little girls, women being bound in a leather corset, people screaming in pain with each strike of a flogger or drip of hot wax. We hear about it because it is happening in bedrooms and dungeons across the country.

For over a century, people who engaged in bondage, beatings and humiliation for sexual pleasure were considered mentally ill. But in the late 1980s, the American Psychiatric Association removed S&M as a category in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. This decision, like the decision to remove homosexuality as a category in 1973 was a big step toward the societal acceptance of people whose sexual desires aren't traditional, or vanilla, as it's called in S&M circles.

What's new is that such desires are increasingly being considered normal, even healthy, as experts begin to recognize their potential psychological value. S&M, they are beginning to understand, offers a release of sexual and emotional energy that some people cannot get from traditional sex. "The satisfaction gained from S&M is something far more than sex," explains Roy Baumeister, Ph.D., a social psychologist at Case Western Reserve University. "It can be a total emotional release."

Although people report that they have better than usual sex immediately after a scene, the goal of S&M itself is not intercourse; "A good scene doesn't end in orgasm, it ends in catharsis."

PS: This article was five pages long so I have left several sections out and made some very small edits to the section I chose to post. Please visit www.PsychologyToday.com if you'd like to see the article in it's original format, but I'd like to first warn you that there are some pieces of the article which I totally disagree with but overall I found it to be interesting despite being very inaccurate in some cases. So before you click the link above I do want to make it very clear that I do not endorse all of the opinions expressed by it's author. While reading page one I was initially pleased to see this topic finally being approached in a way that seemed to shed a positive light on a majority of the activities that some of us love, but unfortunately I do not feel that later sections of this article positively represented most of us who enjoy S&M on a healthy level.

In the beginning of this article a honest attempt to normalize the psychology of S&M was made, but if you continue reading, the opinions of the writer and those she has quoted seem to fall back into the age old habit of treating S&M as a mental disease, and while in some extreme cases this may true I do not believe that many of the opinions expressed within this article accurately represent the bdsm community as a whole.

For example I was very disappointed to see sexual sadism made out in a way that implies it is a criminal act that is performed on a totally unwilling victims, so I want to state for the record that I completely disagree with that definition especially. While that definition may apply in a court of law it does not usually apply when people within the bdsm community are using that word and the two definitions should not be confused.

03 October 2007 @ 12:43 pm
Dominas Please Join The New Sisters Of Sadism Toplist

PS: Please join our new toplist while we wait for the website construction to be complete. While finishing the website may take quite a bit of time and effort we will still be promoting it heavily even in these early infant stages so take advantage of our hard work and spread your sadism world-wide!

New Release Interactive Domina Directory Coming Soon! - www.SistersOfSadism.net
I'd like to announce that I will soon be releasing a new Mistress gathering and promotion website. I am only in the infancy stage of creating the site and having it up and ready but I will be putting up a link of the first 25 women to show interest on the index at this stage. Now once the directory section is up I will put banners on each state page for the first five women that sign up within each state along with links to others that come after that based on a first come first serve order basis. The first so many Dominas to be added to the directory will also have their banner on the index page as well once I work all of the bugs out. Those who are invited to be founders after the site is created will of course receive additional coverage in return for all of the work they will be doing to help the network run smoothly. Though the number of founders will likely be small to avoid problems.
So at the moment the only thing I'd like to know is would you like a complimentary link on the index to reserve a higher spot of that section before the website officially launches and the spots fill up? Once I have more people involved the interactive sections will also be enhanced and released as well. If you'd like to pass this on to others that you think would be interested please feel free to do so. Any wishing to reserve their spots early before the launching are welcome to contact Me via email. Sisters_Of_Sadism@yahoo.com
All I ask in return is that you join the yahoo group and add a banner link to the website which leads directly to the front page which for the moment is only serving the upcoming yahoo group so it will get filled up a bit during this initial down stage. Please visit www.sistersofsadism.net/submit.html for more information
21 September 2007 @ 09:04 am
INDIANAPOLIS -- A dominatrix has agreed not to run her bondage and discipline business in Indianapolis' residential areas, a deal that would end a two-year legal battle with the city, WRTV-TV in Indianapolis reported. Melyssa Donaghy operated what the city called a "sexual torture" business in her home. The city asked a court to close the business in November 2005, saying it violated zoning regulations.

Kobi Wright, an attorney for the city, said an undercover police investigation that year "made it very clear that it was an illegal sex business operating in a residential neighborhood." Donaghy said that over the last two years, her business was nonsexual, educational and promoted "a non-promiscuous lifestyle and respect for women." According to her Web site, she practiced domination and submission arts.

The agreement between Donaghy and the city will be formalized this week in court.

PS: This story was submitted by "Pain Slave Dave "AKA" Humpy" and
was originally posted at TheDenverChannel.com on September 21st 2007.

Today the concept for this website was born. The goal of this website is to unite Dominant Women world-wide. From the Dominant Wife/Girlfriend that secretly runs her home with a velvet glove to some of the most well known and respected sadistic Lifestyle Dominas and Professional Dominatrixes the world has ever known. While we recognize that each of us are special in our own unique way we all still share one main goal in common, and it is that goal that brings us all together despite our many differences. It is the mission of the "Sisters Of Sadism Network" to nurture that tiny thread of sisterhood and to create a network of Dominant Women that will stand strong and proudly across the globe. This movement is about leaving behind the hype and drama that often times surrounds the world of bdsm and expressing ourselves in a positive way that encourages our fellow Female Dominants. This is not a popularity contest to see who is the best for if we all excel to live our lives in a way that pleases us best then we all have already won the most important battle of all anyway. We are each confident in our roles as Dominant Women and wish to share our knowledge and varied experiences with others who share a common interest. Rather then attempt to belittle others we instead concentrate on enriching our own lives. We are Dominant Women that not only enjoy the control that we hold over others, but most importantly we are Confident Women that are in control of ourselves.